yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
