thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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