Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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