STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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