from now on my penis is your penis
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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