My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do vagina's smell?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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