ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
