I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize