I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
