I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
