everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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