:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
