Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
