he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
