I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
