He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
