i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
