your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I want a musical about memes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
