she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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