when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
