I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize