i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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