listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
