Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
