wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
