I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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