Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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