yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When are your genitals available?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
