Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
