yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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