More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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