thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize