On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We need to rekindle our bromance
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize