Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
