I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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