Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
