does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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