he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
