that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize