What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
