Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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