So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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