Whod you bang
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize