I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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