Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
worst night to have a conscience
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
