I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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