you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize