Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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