someone threw a dead crab at me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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