he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They took my balls.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
