I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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