I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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