Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
