I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize