He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
