conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is my gift to your gina
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
