Me too!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
