I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
