Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
