i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
