I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize