listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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