I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
