I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize