In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
