spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
